I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

Following the Rumanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away... Following the Jewish tradition, a dispenser of schmaltz (liquid chicken fat) is kept on the table to give the vampires heartburn if they get through the garlic defense.

How did Italy manage to end up with no Caribbean islands at all? Christopher Columbus took the trouble to discover the Caribbean personally before the end of the fifteenth century. Try to get a decent plate of spaghetti there now.

"Law professors were never like economics professors," a Harvard Law professor told me. "If you disagreed with someone, you didn't call him a fool."

If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?

Getting a tattoo would probably make me cry.

Keeping off a large weight loss is a phenomenon about as common in American medicine as an impoverished dermatologist.