The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a natural color and hung out to dry.

The interesting thing about class warfare is that it's only class warfare if it's up, not down. If you talk about welfare cheats or something, that's not class warfare because it's down; you have to talk about rich people before it's class warfare.

Everybody is who he was in high school.

I like chili, but not enough to discuss it with someone from Texas.

The way I read Billy Carter's testimony, he was a model citizen himself until the voters went and ruined his life by making his brother President.

When it comes to rapacious 19th century capitalism, my family's hands are clean.