The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

When someone reaches middle age, people he knows begin to get put in charge of things, and knowing what he knows about the people who are being put in charge of things scares the hell out of him.

I suppose it's possible that the Sundance Kid didn't like to make much of his birthdays — they may have struck him as just another reminder that his draw was getting slower by the year—but what if he truly liked a major celebration? What if he looked forward every year to marking the day of his birth with what they used to call in the West 'a real wingding, with pink balloons and a few survivors'?

The way I read Billy Carter's testimony, he was a model citizen himself until the voters went and ruined his life by making his brother President.

The ceiling on taxation of capital gains reflects the national belief that speculation is a more worthwhile way to make a living than work.

I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of.

The margin of error in astrology is plus or minus one hundred percent.