Fairs are good places to eat, particularly for stand-up eaters--which is one of the kinds of eaters I am, although when I eat standing up away from home I sometimes miss the familiar cool breeze coming from the open refrigerator.

Health food makes me sick.

The Banh Mi sandwich is really the only good argument for colonialism.

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.

Kerr's Three Rules for a Successful College: Have plenty of football for the alumni, sex for the students, and parking for the faculty. If law school is so hard to get through, how come there are so many lawyers?

Fairs are good places to eat, particularly for stand-up eaters--which is one of the kinds of eaters I am, although when I eat standing up away from home I sometimes miss the familiar cool breeze coming from the open refrigerator.

There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.