In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while his article is still on the presses.

Everything was blamed on Castro. Mudslides in California. The fact that you can't buy a decent tomato anymore. Was there an exceptionally high pollen count in Massapequa, Long Island, one day? It was Castro, exporting sneezes.

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

I'm more disturbed when people expect me to be serious.

Since nostaglia is fueled by inflation, could it be that inflation is the result of a conspiracy by the people who are trying to palm off McGovern buttons and Howdy Doody puppets and their Aunt Thelma's toaster as antiques.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?