Keeping off a large weight loss is a phenomenon about as common in American medicine as an impoverished dermatologist.

I don't cook. I don't know anything about food. I've never reviewed a restaurant.

When you're writing, you are robbed of your delivery.

You know, I used to say, when people say, 'How do you think about what to write about in the poems every week?' And I say, 'Well, I have to turn it in on Monday, so on Sunday nights I turn the shower to iambic pentameter and it sort of works out that way.'

With humor, it’s so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy.

Avoid restaurants with names that are improbable descriptions, such as the Purple Goose, the Blue Kangaroo or the Quilted Orangutan.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.