Following the Rumanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away... Following the Jewish tradition, a dispenser of schmaltz (liquid chicken fat) is kept on the table to give the vampires heartburn if they get through the garlic defense.

What interests me is what you might call vernacular writing, writing that connects you to a place.

If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.

Math was always my bad subject. I couldn't convince my teachers that many of my answers were meant ironically.

There is a theory that sooner or later anything in America that is any fun at all will be ruined by people from California.

A new regulation for the publishing industry: "The advance for a book must be larger than the check for the lunch at which it was discussed.

I've always thought that parallel parking was my main talent.