Following the Rumanian tradition, garlic is used in excess to keep the vampires away... Following the Jewish tradition, a dispenser of schmaltz (liquid chicken fat) is kept on the table to give the vampires heartburn if they get through the garlic defense.

There's always a source for humor [in politics]. If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny. So it sort of selects itself. It has to. And plus, often something that wouldn't be funny at the time is okay to make jokes about later.

The Banh Mi sandwich is really the only good argument for colonialism.

The ceiling on taxation of capital gains reflects the national belief that speculation is a more worthwhile way to make a living than work.

A new regulation for the publishing industry: "The advance for a book must be larger than the check for the lunch at which it was discussed.

Since nostaglia is fueled by inflation, could it be that inflation is the result of a conspiracy by the people who are trying to palm off McGovern buttons and Howdy Doody puppets and their Aunt Thelma's toaster as antiques.

At American weddings, the quality of the food is in inverse proportion to the social position of the bride and groom.