If law school is so hard to get through... how come there are so many lawyers?

I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can't get rid of.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

We all know funny people who can't get it down on the page - even funny writers who can't get it down on the page.

It happens to be a matter of record that I was first in print with the discovery that the tastelessness of the food offered in American clubs varies in direct proportion to the exclusiveness of the club.

The food in such places is so tasteless because the members associate spices and garlic with just the sort of people they're trying to keep out.

Canadians are very well behaved, they don't throw their food.