Here, let's go to my dressing room, and I promise, I'll only put it in for a second.

If I were to say that I grew up in East Los Angeles in the projects poor, I assumed that everybody understood that it came with its own reasons for being the way I am. I didn't get that people needed to understand where my comedy came from; I thought that they knew that. Now I tell people.

We celebrate Labor Day by not going to work?

The problem with the world is there's too many stupid people and nobody to eat them.

Listen, here's my questions to anybody when they talk about comedy. When you are with your friends who don't judge you, what do you say? And if that's appropriate to say with your friends, why is it not appropriate anywhere else. Like I hate those people who judge me and are hypocrites.

I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their houses have wheels.

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.