Here, let's go to my dressing room, and I promise, I'll only put it in for a second.

God has a sense of humor. If you don't believe me, tomorrow go to wal-mart and just look at people.

I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.

I was born in Honduras, that's where I was born. I live in California, where no matter what you say, you're Mexican. You understand that? It doesn't matter what you say. See - you don't understand that, white people, because wherever you go, you're white. You're here, you're white. You go to L. A., you're white. You go to Denver, you're white. You go to Miami, you're still white. In L. A. I'm a Mexican, In Florida, I'm a Cuban. In New York, I'm a Puerto Rican. And when I come to Canada and I find out I'm an Eskimo.

When white people eat potato chips, they're called white people. When black people eat potato chips, they're called niggas.

Like my father I, too, was born in Central America - Nebraska.

If you aren't laughing, you aren't living!