I'm the only person on Earth who's not afraid to admit that black people are better dancers than white people! I said it, I said it! You were all thinking it, I said it!

When women can't climax, it's our fault, but when we can't get an erection, we have to go to the doctor.

When a black person has no electricity, no water, they call it the ghetto. When white people have no electricity and no water, they call it camping.

If your gonna drop out of school / tough grades are not your goal / then change your name to Candy and learn to work a pole.

Why did the 14-year old Mexican girl end up pregnant? Because her teacher told her to go do an essay.

The essence of what makes life beautiful is the fact that it can go away.

In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke.