I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie - the networks just wouldn't spend the money today.

The audience is never wrong.

No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful.

If you want to know the feeling [of labor pain], just take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.

I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy.

Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.

I always preferred working with somebody so I could look into their eyeballs and play tennis.