The audience is never wrong.
No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful.
If you want to know the feeling [of labor pain], just take your bottom lip and pull it over your head.
I think the hardest thing to do in the world, show-business-wise, is write comedy.
Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.
I always preferred working with somebody so I could look into their eyeballs and play tennis.