No one ever said life was fair. Just Eventful.

I don't remember a time when I wasn't waiting for a scab either to grow or to fall off my knee.

Before you go to bed, write down three 'gratefuls' for the day and three 'did wells' (they can even include something as simple as doing the laundry)-the results can be amazing!

I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these?

It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

Comedy = tragedy + time.

I'm glad I was born when I was. My time was the golden age of variety. If I were starting out again now, maybe things would happen for me, but it certainly would not be on a variety show with 28 musicians, 12 dancers, two major guest stars, 50 costumes a week by Bob Mackie - the networks just wouldn't spend the money today.