It's almost impossible to be funnier than the people in Washington.

Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief.

Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.

The first time someone said, 'What are your measurements?' I answered, '37, 24, 38 - but not necessarily in that order.'

I love the writing. I love the idea of typing and seeing it on the computer and printing it out myself and, you know, moving sentences around. I like that.

I couldn't get the laughter out of my head. It wasn't career. It wasn't even a choice. It was a calling.

there were times when I was more at home in front of millions of people than I was at home.