I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said I don't drink. Then another fella said hear you and Joe DiMaggio aren't speaking and I said I'll take that drink.

Okay everybody, line up in alphabetical order according to your height.

I don't like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.

Sometimes it's easier to understand things than it is to figure them out

Mr. that boy couldn't hit the ground if he fell out of an airplane.

Why shouldn't he break Ruth's record? He's got more power than Stalin.

Don't cut off your nose yourself.