I solemnly swear not to talk about Hillary's appearance, because that is not journalism.

You have to put work into relationships to keep them fun.

I went [to Hobby Lobby] this morning and bought the cutest little wicker basket to hold all my morning-after pills.

I always feel the most validated and confident being around people that I find funny - having Fred Armisen laugh at a scene or Bill Hader or Seth Meyers give me a compliment.

I'm also the first straight woman to host this in 20 years, so, we finally made it, straight people.

Hillary has her work cut out for her. Her Democratic challengers are a 'Who's Who' of 'who's that?' Jim Webb, Lincoln Chafee, Silas Phelps, Peter Wilks... now those last two were characters from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. You didn't even notice, did you?

I was voted funniest person in my middle-school yearbook. So I guess I was funny in middle school?