If I were given the opportunity to present a gift to the next generation, it would be the ability for each individual to learn to laugh at himself.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, "Is life a multiple choice test or is it a true or false test?" ...Then a voice comes to me out of the dark and says, "We hate to tell you this but life is a thousand word essay.

Only in math can you buy sixty cantaloupes and no one asks what the hell is wrong with you.

I fall in love with any girl who smells of library paste.

There's a difference between a philosophy and a bumper sticker.

What's that?" "It looks like something from Linus... It is! He sent me a little birch-bark canoe from camp! He said he made it himself... Sometimes I think I don't deserve a nice brother like Linus..." "I have often thought the same thing." "Dear Linus, please send me another canoe. The first one broke when I threw it at Charlie Brown.

I proved to you that psychiatry is an exact science!" "An exact science?!" "Yes, you owe me exactly one hundred and forty-three dollars!