Nobody gave me what I wanted for my birthday! Nobody! What sort of presents do you call these? New shoes, a green sweater and a bunch of stupid toys!" "What were you expecting?" "Real estate!

One night I was sitting listening to some Hank Williams songs - and they'll change your life in a hurry.

Dear IRS, I am writing to cancel my subscription. Please remove my name from your mailing list.

In the Book of Life, The answers aren't in the back.

Do you have your own room, Charlie Brown?" "Oh, yes... I have a very nice room." "I hope you realize that you won't always have your own room... Someday you'll get drafted or something, and you'll have to leave your room forever!" "Why do you tell me things like that?" "It's on a list I've made up for you... I call it, Things You Might As Well Know!

Winning isn't everything, but losing isn't anything.

All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For after all, he was only human. He wasn't a dog.