Shut your evil mucus-hole you truth terrorist. You LOSE every time a mirror implodes from your barbed and gristle image.

I'm an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordnance to the ground.

I have a 10,000-year-old brain and the boogers of a 7-year-old. That's how I describe myself.

I was born dead. Yeah, the umbilical cord was like, floppy baby, the whole thing. Yeah, it was bad.

If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.

You have this great big fantasy life, and it looks like a non-stop 24/7 party. But what do you do when you get to the end of the Internet and there's nothing left to buy? There's just a picture of Wayne Newton flipping you off.

I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.