I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.

I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front.

People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view.

I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.

You should have read the directions before you showed up to the party.

Guys want to be respected and acknowledged. They want to feel what they contributed matters.