I'm sorry, man, but I've got magic. I've got poetry in my fingertips. Most of the time - and this includes naps - I'm an F-18, bro. And I will destroy you in the air. I will deploy my ordinance to the ground.

I have to tell them that last night was a shameful train wreck filled with blind cuddly puppies.

Charlie Sheen has the potential to cause your soul to weep and forfeit

It's definitely safer to be single, especially with this cottage industry that's devoted to extorting celebrities.

I dare anyone to spend 10 years in the laugh-track that is Chuck Lorre's hive of oppression and not suffer some form of an emotional tsunami.

Those of us who did make it have an obligation to build again. To teach to others what we know, and to try with what's left of our lives to find a goodness and a meaning to this life.

I try to be known more for my work than for anything else.