Reality TV's pretty tricky for me. I don't really watch anything like that, because I think it's brain-sucking.

I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.

... some of the best sex I can barely remember.

Everyone knows if you're going to take weed to school, you put it in your trapper keeper to keep it fresh.

There are two kinds of people I don't trust: people who don't drink and people who collect stickers.

Nothing is more American than stuffing your face with loaded potato skins while drinking loaded mudslides.

I'm not going to blow up just for the sake of it, because it's on TV. That's not the issue.