I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I've met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell my why I want to have children and that I just don't know it yet. I do know, because I'm me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don't want to have kids, and it's not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.

I'm actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I'm in the Special Olympics or something.

My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.

If you can't trust your coke dealer, who can you trust?

It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

How do you think jail was?! I got face raped by a woman... and I think I may have liked it.

For the gay and lesbian community, even though I'm not gay I think its really important to speak out for people that aren't necessarily dealing with the same circumstances you're dealing with and don't have the benefit of the health care system or the government that you do.