I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.

I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.

I'll tell you what can make bacon better... nothing.

Obviously you want to be smart enough to take other people's advice and take that into consideration, and obviously try to surround yourself with people that are smarter than you. As far as sticking to your guns, I think there is no better advice than to just find something that you really give a s - about and then go do it.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything

I don't appreciate people who celebrate their dog's birthdays with "dog parties," and then invite their friends who don't even have dogs. I understand why people like dogs, and I think they definitely bring more to the table than cats or those godforsaken ferrets, but I don't think it's healthy for people to treat their dogs like they are real people.