Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.

This women/ killer was a testament to my theory that the crazier you are, the more calories you burn. That's why psychos are always so skinny.

I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.

According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest; in public school, you learn from your teacher; and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.

You do not OWN a dog. You HAVE a dog. And the dog HAS YOU

It's like being a stand-up comedian is what leads to being a talk-show host. That life is not cut out for a woman, being on the road at these disgusting hotels. What girls want to do that? Gross guys want to do that. I think that the dearth in female comics is just the nature of the business, but there certainly isn't a dearth anymore, so I think it's just silly.

I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.