Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.

A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.

Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around but she doesn't have any patience for suffering unless it's her own.

It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

My message is strong and my belief is strong, in the fact that we can still be provocative and have fun and just get informed.

It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican.

Why he would agree to install an eight-by-eight-foot fish tank and then not fill it with a single dolphin made me want to burn his eyebrows off.