Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.

Rumer Willis was having a great time at the opening of a club when her twin walked in, also known as her dad, Bruce Willis. How embarrassing for her, she's out with her friends and they're like, 'Umm, Rumer, I think your dad put something in my drink.'

I'm actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I'm in the Special Olympics or something.

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast.

People always tell me I need to have a kid, and I say, No, I don't. Because I wouldn't have just one kid; I'd have six. I need a huge family. So I just kind of fill my house with tons of rejects and misfits so it feels like I have a bunch of children.

My father has a high opinion of his opinion