It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good for two things. Oil and hummus.

I don't know what it is about accents that makes me want to get undressed and high-five myself.

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

I'm actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I'm in the Special Olympics or something.

I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.

My life and my legs have been an open book.

When I look at all the people that I have working for me and the company I've started and all the people that benefit from it and have a living because of it, it's very motivating to continue to do it.