It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good for two things. Oil and hummus.

Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.

I don't mean to be a racist but if you're going to get raped by a Japanese guy, it's not going to hurt at all.

If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look 'more together.

I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.

I'd like to go out for a cocktail... or seven.