It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good for two things. Oil and hummus.

Thanksgiving is coming. I wonder what the holiday will be like at Dog the Bounty Hunter’s house—obviously, they’ll have a turkey with all-white meat.

The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.

I like to laugh. It's kind of escapism. I like to make people laugh. And I kind of like people just to have to not think about anything

I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast.

Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.

David Hasselhoff was hospitalized after falling off the wagon again. He probably got used to drinking too much, because for years he never had to worry about driving anywhere - his car drove itself.