Anyone who is friends with Bill Clinton shouldn't be telling their wife about it.

It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican.

The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.

It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good for two things. Oil and hummus.

People confuse the fact that I discuss drinking openly with the idea that I'm a heavy drinker. I don't want girls at my show wasted, screaming and yelling out and vomiting.

I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.