Don't choose the better guy, choose the guy that's gonna make you the better girl

... some of the best sex I can barely remember.

I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

I'm a worker. I like to work and I like to provide work for other people. I like to put people on my show who normally would never have a chance at being on television.

Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle.

I never say the things I really want to. If I did, I'd have no friends.