The whole thing about my books and my life is that I create drama's always around me.

According to the New York Post, Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are dating. They must be getting serious - Lance gave Ashley his yellow Live Strong bracelet. She wears it as a belt.

The challenge is to keep it fresh. If you're talking about Britney Spears over and over, it's very hard to keep that interesting.

Nothing is more American than stuffing your face with loaded potato skins while drinking loaded mudslides.

I think being able to have follow-through, I think a lot of people who are in charge, that is the one quality that you can't forsake. You can get opinions, but you can't have too many cooks in the kitchen when you're envisioning something.

Then they have the audacity to go shopping and pick out their own gifts. I want to know who the first person was who said this was okay. After spending all that money on a bachelorette weekend, a shower, and often a flight across the country, they expect you to go to Williams Sonoma or Pottery Barn and do research? Then they send you a thank-you note applauding you for such a thoughtful gift. They're the one who picked it out!

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.