David Hasselhoff was hospitalized after falling off the wagon again. He probably got used to drinking too much, because for years he never had to worry about driving anywhere - his car drove itself.

A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.

I wanted to kick Bruce in the taint. No one is just one thing. Many things contribute to the whole of a person, and just because vodka accounts for 50 percent of my body weight, that doesn't mean I walk around with a vodka drip, forcing every plant, person, or animal to imbibe. I've always had a disliking for animal trainers, and this guy cemented my theory that people who chaperone animals for a living have never had a girl sit on their face.

When you have a vision, you have to see it through, and you can make anything happen. You really can, especially in this [entertainment ] industry.

I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak.

The whole thing about my books and my life is that I create drama's always around me.

A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time.