Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.

Is Heather McDonald your best friend? You better get a new one.

A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.

I'm actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I'm in the Special Olympics or something.

I'd like to go out for a cocktail... or seven.

Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have a real problem with: homeless people with pets who approach you for food when they have a perfectly delicious dog standing right there?

According to Life & Style, Lance Armstrong was seen canoodling with fitness model Kim Strother, and the night before, he was with Ashley Olsen. He's going from bar to bar picking up women - how does he get them home? Does he put them on the handlebars, or does he have a banana seat?