You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.
Chelsea HandlerReality TV's pretty tricky for me. I don't really watch anything like that, because I think it's brain-sucking.
Chelsea HandlerI don't like the word 'alcoholic'. I like to think of myself as an advanced drinker.
Chelsea HandlerHave you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.
Chelsea HandlerAccording to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest; in public school, you learn from your teacher; and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.
Chelsea Handler