Most republicans are against contraception because they don't care about it. You can't get pregnant anally anyway.

It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

I think being able to have follow-through, I think a lot of people who are in charge, that is the one quality that you can't forsake. You can get opinions, but you can't have too many cooks in the kitchen when you're envisioning something.

The only reason I think I would marry a foreigner would be to have kids with weird accents.

I was in a tailspin of confusion I hadn't experienced since the first time I heard George W. Bush speak.

It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican.

... some of the best sex I can barely remember.