You know what they say, when one door closes, another Belvedere opens.

Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.

Even if times are tough and you're enduring a terrible heartache, it's important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.

I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.

To always trust my instincts, to always believe I have something to offer — no matter how meaningless or stupid it may be — and to never listen to anyone who tells you ‘no.’