I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.

There's tons of information on the Internet, so if you type in cancer, they'll give you 15, 000 different options to get involved with cancer. It's very easy to get involved if you want to get involved, especially to volunteer your time.

If you wait too long in Vegas, you end up with a chicken finger in your underwear.

I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on. I just try and kind of do a lot for different charities.

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

A lot of amazing comedians that I've worked with just really follow their instincts and you can't really teach someone comedic timing. And you just kind of have it.

Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.