I'm always happy to pitch in and do something. Everybody needs to be laughing a little.
Chelsea HandlerThat's the problem in my industry. Anyone can go and open a f - ing hotel. Anyone can go and buy a restaurant. It's not like a doctor or a lawyer, you need certain qualifications. That's the issue.
Chelsea HandlerNo one has ever said to me 'go home and make a baby.' I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
Chelsea HandlerThere's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
Chelsea HandlerIt's been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone is truly a loyal friend, then they wouldn't need to broadcast it; eventually, people will figure it out. I have a lot of good friends and not one of them has ever introduced themselves by saying, 'I'm a very good friend.'
Chelsea Handler