Lydia was the kind of friend whom people referred to as a 'party favor' -- always fun to be around but she doesn't have any patience for suffering unless it's her own.

I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast.

I'm into politics, and I love watching the heavier news magazine shows.

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.

Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours o the morning when he would go surfing. He thought it might be fun to have me come watch. "Fun for who?" I wanted to ask. i had never asked him to come to Happy Hour and watch me drink.

The only people I owe an apology to are my dead parents. Except my father because he's still alive.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.