Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption.

Boy George has been charged with falsely imprisoning a man who'd gone to his apartment to pose for photographs. Going to Boy George's house to get your picture taken is like going to David Copperfield's island for a radio opportunity.

Christina Aguilera finally announced her pregnancy. Thanks for waiting until your third trimester to get the word out—why not just wait until you’re crowning?

Don't take 'no' for an answer. Keep knocking down walls until someone says 'yes.'

When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.

Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.

I hate that people assume guys are the only ones to want sex. Girls want sex, too, and that shouldn't be a problem.