Seeing your mother naked is not something you easily recover from. Seeing your mother naked and jumping from one side of a king-sized bed to the other with a nurse's hat on while your father, who is also naked, is chasing her with a bandanna around his neck, is reason to put yourself up for adoption.

I don't want to be Oprah [Winfrey], I'm not trying to be Barbara Walters, but we can all do better.

Paula Abdul's really impatient to start a family. She says if she has to wait much longer she's going to go crazy-er.

Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.

First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.

Why would you go out and not drink? Just stay home and sit there.

Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.