If you get into a customer service fight with a hooker, even if you're in the right, you're in the wrong.

Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.

I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

Reality TV's pretty tricky for me. I don't really watch anything like that, because I think it's brain-sucking.

It's also a terrible kind of sentiment [ reality TV] for children and for people. It makes people feel like they all want to be famous for no reason.

Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!

According to Life & Style, Lance Armstrong was seen canoodling with fitness model Kim Strother, and the night before, he was with Ashley Olsen. He's going from bar to bar picking up women - how does he get them home? Does he put them on the handlebars, or does he have a banana seat?