If you get into a customer service fight with a hooker, even if you're in the right, you're in the wrong.

When I don't know what to do, I just open my mouth. Why won't anyone date me?

I got a vibrator that needed two nine volt batteries. What am I - R2D2? I don't know what to do with that.

A Catholic priest who’s been sending threatening notes to Conan O’Brien was charged with stalking in the fourth degree. It just goes to show you that people can become obsessed with redheads.

The only thing worse than dating a single mom is dating a single mom that won't put out.

I probably do the most for the gay and lesbian community, or LGBT, but I don't have one that I focus on. I just try and kind of do a lot for different charities.

According to an article on CNN.com, a new study says people who are bad kissers don't get laid. Where are you supposed to learn how to kiss? If you go to Catholic school, it's from your priest; in public school, you learn from your teacher; and some guys learn from their sisters... if their sister is Angelina Jolie.