I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

It's good that people don't like you. That's good. It means that you are doing something interesting.

When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.

If you judge a person by the company they keep, then I'm retarded.

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look 'more together.