Kristen Stewart always looks like she's posing for pictures taken in a basement by her creepy uncle.

Every time John Travolta assaults a masseur, a scientologist gets their wings.

I would never get married while my father is still alive because I wouldn't want him to walk me down the aisle.

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

Christina Aguilera finally announced her pregnancy. Thanks for waiting until your third trimester to get the word out—why not just wait until you’re crowning?

It always freaks me out when I go to a sushi place and there's a Mexican.

I haven't been manipulated. I did a documentary in prison years ago because I was so f - ed off with those lazy bastards in their bed for 18 hours a day, five dishes a day on a menu to choose from, playing soccer every day, going to the gym, watching movies.