I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looking.

I think everyone's afraid of public speaking. There have been times where I've come out of my own show and been like, 'Oh, God, what am I doing?' . . . You have to remind yourself that 'OK, I'm kind of a badass. I can handle it.'

How do you think jail was?! I got face raped by a woman... and I think I may have liked it.

Then a homeless man with a dog approached us and put his hand out. This happens to be something that I have a real problem with: homeless people with pets who approach you for food when they have a perfectly delicious dog standing right there?

Nothing is more American than stuffing your face with loaded potato skins while drinking loaded mudslides.

Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours o the morning when he would go surfing. He thought it might be fun to have me come watch. "Fun for who?" I wanted to ask. i had never asked him to come to Happy Hour and watch me drink.

I couldn't go any higher with three Michelin stars. I mastered my craft. I'm still learning and picking up ideas.