Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.

There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.

Kiefer Sutherland has agreed to serve 48 days in jail for his DUI convictions. That's 245 months in Jack Bauer years.

We got to his place and it looked a lot like his personality. Just a bunch of space filler, nothing to really wow you. It looked like he had bought a lot of stuff from IKEA and then decided to refinish it at home. Everything was neat and tidy, but you wouldn't want any of it for yourself.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

There are no warning signs on the trampoline. The warning is the trampoline.