I don't think the problem is telling people you're on a diet. The problem is eating ice cream for breakfast.

I'm not that shallow, asshole. I don't need money. It's way more important for them to be good-looking.

Instead of having a baby, why dont you get a tattoo of a baby first, and see how that works out for six months to a year, and then see if you're ready to have a baby.

I didn't become a comedian to work this hard.

I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.

This kind of mixing of ingredients happens all the time at fast-food places... You know when you order french fries and there's a rogue onion ring at the bottom. You know, at first you're alarmed but you eat it. It all comes from the same place! You just have to go for it.

I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.