Along with the 97 percent of women who can see, I have never been a fan of redheaded men.

As you get older, then you finally come back around full circle when you don't give a s - anymore and you decide I'm going to just tell the truth to everybody. I don't give a s - if anybody likes me.

It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.

I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

Maybe they should name more drugs cute things. I don't do meth, but maybe if they called meth 'Stefanie' I would!

A lot of people think that keying a car isn't the right way to get back at a guy. I disagree.

Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.