Next to fat babies, midgets are my favorite things to hold. I love them so much, and I want to help them to do adult things like drive cars, Jet-Ski, and lip-synch. I’m in awe of their little limbs, their large craniums, and their medicine-ball asses. I love the little baby steps they take while shifting their weight from side to side, and the fact that when you knock one over accidentally, he flails like a turtle on its back that can’t get up right away.

It’s true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.

First of all, who cares if people hate you? There's always a guarantee that certain people will dislike you. There's never any guarantee that anyone will like you. So if anyone likes you at all, you've already won.

If you wait too long in Vegas, you end up with a chicken finger in your underwear.

I couldn't go any higher with three Michelin stars. I mastered my craft. I'm still learning and picking up ideas.

Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.

People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.