Next to fat babies, midgets are my favorite things to hold. I love them so much, and I want to help them to do adult things like drive cars, Jet-Ski, and lip-synch. Iโm in awe of their little limbs, their large craniums, and their medicine-ball asses. I love the little baby steps they take while shifting their weight from side to side, and the fact that when you knock one over accidentally, he flails like a turtle on its back that canโt get up right away.
Chelsea HandlerIt's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.
Chelsea HandlerMy feeling is, if a dog is that hard up to break free, let it go. It's like a boyfriend who wants to break up. We all know the old adage "If you set someone free, and he never comes back, then he was never yours." I understand the main fear with setting dogs loose is they could get hit by a car, but so could an ex boyfriend. That's just a chance you have to take.
Chelsea HandlerIf you have to work at McDonald's, good for you. But on a side note, good luck with the rest of your life.
Chelsea Handler