If diamonds are a girl's best friend, I wonder if blood diamonds are a girl's best friend 5 days out of the month?

I wanted to kick Bruce in the taint. No one is just one thing. Many things contribute to the whole of a person, and just because vodka accounts for 50 percent of my body weight, that doesn't mean I walk around with a vodka drip, forcing every plant, person, or animal to imbibe. I've always had a disliking for animal trainers, and this guy cemented my theory that people who chaperone animals for a living have never had a girl sit on their face.

I met my first midget in Mexico, and he was a waiter with a sombrero on his head, filled with chips and salsa. Like I was gonna let that guy get away - I don't think so.

Laugh loudly, laugh often, and most important, laugh at yourself.

Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.

Having a baby, it's like a five year commitment.

I wanted to be a comedian, I wanted people to laugh at what I was saying, not to be staring at my boobs or wearing a skirt and show off my ... I just didn't think that that was the best way to get taken seriously in that world.