There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.

Sometimes, Chelsea, I wonder, how you get by from day to day. It's a good thing you're so voluptuous.

The whole thing about my books and my life is that I create drama's always around me.

A Muslim allowed a topless Jew to sit on his camel. And we say we can't live side by side? I say we try and we can and we will. And you don't even have to be topless. L'chaim.

Let's all help each other be a little bit better at being human beings.

Next to fat babies, midgets are my favorite things to hold. I love them so much, and I want to help them to do adult things like drive cars, Jet-Ski, and lip-synch. I’m in awe of their little limbs, their large craniums, and their medicine-ball asses. I love the little baby steps they take while shifting their weight from side to side, and the fact that when you knock one over accidentally, he flails like a turtle on its back that can’t get up right away.

I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.