Hispanics still have the highest rate amongst teens with babies so at least the future housekeeping is secure.

If you judge a person by the company they keep, then I'm retarded.

I think it's important to be authentic to who you are, and if you're inauthentic at all, people smell that from a mile away.

It's like being a stand-up comedian is what leads to being a talk-show host. That life is not cut out for a woman, being on the road at these disgusting hotels. What girls want to do that? Gross guys want to do that. I think that the dearth in female comics is just the nature of the business, but there certainly isn't a dearth anymore, so I think it's just silly.

I think the people in your life are the people that - when you can make other people happy and you can give things to your family and your friends, you know, that's really obviously what life is all about. But it doesn't have to be children. It doesn't have to be a husband. It can be whatever you make it.

It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

Mexico's a great place to overcome a drug addiction.