My theory about Taylor Swift is that she's a virgin, that everyone breaks up with her because they date her for two weeks and she's like, 'I'm not gonna do it'.

Men don’t realize that if we’re sleeping with them on the first date, we’re probably not interested in seeing them again either.

It's hard on an all-gay softball team because no one knows if they want to be a pitcher or a catcher.

My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It’s really sad, because that’s what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.

I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I've met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell my why I want to have children and that I just don't know it yet. I do know, because I'm me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don't want to have kids, and it's not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.

They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.

Adults end up shading things and shading the truth, and you end up lying and telling people what they want to hear.