They travel in groups. You never see an Asian by their self.

I can't be skinny all the time. I like to drink and I like to eat. I like burgers and bagels.

George Clooney and Fabio apparently got into a scuffle at a restaurant in Los Angeles over the weekend. George thought the women with Fabio were taking pictures of him. How embarrassed is George Clooney to be in a fight with Fabio? Who is he going to call out next, Lorenzo Lamas?

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.

It became clear when I got in my car that Persians are only really good for two things. Oil and hummus.

I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.

I got a vibrator that needed two nine volt batteries. What am I - R2D2? I don't know what to do with that.