When you see the veins popping out of my neck, that's an exclamation point.

It would be nice if everybody were a little bit more mindful of what kind of product you're putting out there. Nothing's for everybody. People are liked and disliked, but at least be mindful of what you're doing and what your message is, and trying to stay true to your authenticity and what you're trying to attain or what your goals are, and don't let anybody get in the way of that. At the same time, have a goal, and have a message.

That's Al Qaeda's new plan: to destroy America one period at a time.

Are you there vodka? It's me, Chelsea. Please get me out of jail and I promise I will never drink again. Drink and drive. I will never drink and drive again. I may even start my own group fashioned after MADD, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, but I'll call it AWLTDASH, Alcoholics Who Like to Drink and Stay Home.

You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.

If you do talk dirty, make sure that you enunciate because there's nothing more embarrassing than having to repeat yourself.

I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.