It's like being a stand-up comedian is what leads to being a talk-show host. That life is not cut out for a woman, being on the road at these disgusting hotels. What girls want to do that? Gross guys want to do that. I think that the dearth in female comics is just the nature of the business, but there certainly isn't a dearth anymore, so I think it's just silly.

I've always been exactly who I am on TV. I'm not playing a role.

If you get into a customer service fight with a hooker, even if you're in the right, you're in the wrong.

I love people who have such passion for complete nonsense.

There's a McDonalds in Hong Kong & they're offering couples the opportunity to get married. You can have a McWedding.

My relationship with my father had been on the proverbial fritz since the time I was fifteen and called the police to report him for child molesting. He had never molested me, but I wanted to have a party that weekend and needed him out of the house.

I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.