It's like being a stand-up comedian is what leads to being a talk-show host. That life is not cut out for a woman, being on the road at these disgusting hotels. What girls want to do that? Gross guys want to do that. I think that the dearth in female comics is just the nature of the business, but there certainly isn't a dearth anymore, so I think it's just silly.

I tried to put myself up for adoption several times.

The whole thing about my books and my life is that I create drama's always around me.

If you get into a customer service fight with a hooker, even if you're in the right, you're in the wrong.

I would rather sit next to a transgender person and discuss why every single one I've met smells like a bar in the daytime than listen to people tell my why I want to have children and that I just don't know it yet. I do know, because I'm me and my feelings are the ones in my head. I don't want to have kids, and it's not a device to get attention or have conversations about it. I simply find children incredibly immature and, more often than not, dumb.

I understand that if you're a kid in Indonesia, you need to smoke because you just got off work at the Nike factory.

Vomit and feces are two reason I have decided not to procreate.