I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.

... some of the best sex I can barely remember.

I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.

How do you think jail was?! I got face raped by a woman... and I think I may have liked it.

A hotel room all to myself is my idea of a good time.

Angelina Jolie’s older brother James Haven, the one she made out with, has a license plate on his SUV that reads Shiloh. Maybe it’s not that weird. After all, he could be the father.

I have no idea why gay men love me, but I would have to assume it's because they know how much I love the gays! Everyone needs a good gay man in their life.