I don't understand what apps are on my phone. Why do they ask for passwords? Why do they all ask for different passwords? It's so frustrating that I end up just reading a book every time I try to go online.

It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.

We usually have margaritas on Thursdays but since it's Tuesday I'll make an exception.

I don't cook... I don't know how to clean... there's may be a good chance I'm an alcoholic.

My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate.

I had sex with a couple guys but it wasn't a baseball team. I saved that for my twenties.

Ivory's the kind of girl who gets drunk and immediately starts slurring. I have a lot of friends like that, and I think it's because it makes me look 'more together.